Two months old!

Is it just me, or is time flying??

*****

I've been spending almost all my time cuddling with you and loving on you--now it's over 2 weeks later that I'm coming back to this post, and you're almost 3 months old! So, lemme just do a quick update, and I'll expand more in another week-ish.

At your 2-month check-up, you were 21.5 inches long and 11 lbs. 5 oz., so you are growing just like you're supposed to! You got a couple shots, and you were so brave, but I don't think I'm gonna get any more for you. I don't like being responsible for toxins swimming around in your blood. I know people say vaccinations keep you safe, but people who've been vaccinated STILL get sick. Anyway! Dr. Gupta was happy with your progress, and she also said I was a very knowledgeable first-time mommy. :^}

You are smiling at everyone these days, and you are already starting to copy Mommy and Daddy when we talk to you. You are SO smart! And everyone who meets you still says the same thing: "Look at all that HAIR!" Now it's actually auburn instead of black like when you were born. And your eyes are still blue, but I'm betting they'll turn into a pretty chocolate color before your 1st birthday.

Okay, that will be it for now. I'll close with a couple photos.

Two months old already

You started sitting up in your Bumbo like a big boy!

Love you, Baby!

A Whole Month

Can you believe it?! You are already a whole month old! And for the first time today, you looked at me, smiled a little, and said, "Oh." It made me cry! (And as I sat writing this, you talked to Daddy, too!!)

I am so excited that you are growing, but I'm also sad already! It's a strange place to be. I am looking forward to all the firsts that we'll get to experience with you, but then that means that you're getting further and further away from being my baby. I mean, I know you'll always be my baby, but at one point I know you won't want me to call you that, and that's what makes me sad. Thank goodness we're a LOOOOONG way from that and I can still hug and kiss and cuddle you as much as I want.

Look at how handsome you are at 1 month old. I can't get enough of you!!

Love you, Baby!

You're Already Here!!!

First of all, I can't even TELL you how amazing you are. Seriously. You are the most amazing little being ever to have found his way into my arms. (Can you tell that I'm slightly enamored with you?)

Now, let me also say that you completely surprised me! And you made your daddy SO happy by deciding to come early. I was certain you were going to wait until the first Sharks game of the season to make your appearance, which would have been October 3. That meant that you would have been like your cousins, aunties and mommy--late. But, I guess this is just a lesson that I don't get to create the schedule anymore.

Come to think of it, you've been teaching me to relinquish control from the very beginning. I haven't gotten to choose the way any of this process has gone, other than a few minor details. It's still hard for me to just sit back and let someone else steer, but it's getting easier. Your sweet face certainly helps. :^} I know that God's plan for you and us is better than anything I could ever come up with, so that is also a huge comfort.

Speaking of my parenting skills, please know that I am still learning! And I'm already making mistakes. But you need to know that I love you more than I ever even knew was possible, and everything I do is a direct result of that love. I have a feeling that if you had the slightest idea how much I love you, you'd never do anything that might make me sad or upset. But...you won't have any idea until you have a child of your own. And that's okay. We all make decisions that hurt our parents (and ourselves), so I don't expect you to be any different.

Until you are old enough to start making those decisions, though, I will just love on you as much as possible and cherish every single happy moment we have together! Because right now, you only make me happy. Even when you're crying and nothing I do seems to help, I am nothing but happy to hear your sweet cry because it's YOURS. And you are mine.

LOVE YOU, BABY!

We're Getting Closer!

So much has happened since the last time I wrote to you! First of all, our friends, the Mojibis, threw us a fantastic shower last month! The theme was Star Wars--duh--and everything went with the theme! Here are some photos: 

 
And THEN a little more than a week later, the gals at work threw us a Sock Monkey shower! See?? 

You are one spoiled boy, that's all I gotta say! And you're not just spoiled by the gifts and attention you're already getting, but with LOVE, Baby! I just can't even explain to you how loved you already are. It's crazy. God has surrounded you with amazing examples of His love, so there is no way you won't recognize Him! 

 Oh, and by the way: I know your daddy keeps telling you to come out already, but don't you listen to him! He is as anxious to meet you as everyone else, but I'm telling you you have a lot more cookin to do in there! Your little brain needs to grow a bit more, and so does everything else! As much as I'm afraid of how big you're gonna be, I still want you to stay in there another 6ish weeks. And, as I'm sure you'll learn soon enough, Mommy knows best. 

Love you, Baby!

Your Sweet Face

LOOK AT YOUR FACE!!

My boy, you have the sweetest little kissy face I have ever seen!! I cannot wait to get your face in my face! AAAHHHH!!!

Can you tell I'm just a little more excited now than I've ever been? Seeing you like this just makes it even more real. I know that's a weird thing to say, since I feel you moving and growing all the time...but something about seeing your face just changes things.

And more amazing things have been happening! We are working on getting your room all done and it's looking so fantastic! Dad did most of the work in there. You're going to love it! Here's a preview:

I'm not very skilled with the panoramic shot...

And THEN we were blessed by another baby shower! I didn't take very many photos...I'm really bad about taking photos of important events lately. But Heather, who threw the shower, took a few, so hopefully she'll share. I can at least give you some idea of what it was like, though.

As we entered the building

Courtesy of your abuelita!

The guys' game (It was tough!)

Each table represented a different Star Wars planet.

Needless to say, we had a lot of fun. I'm sorry I didn't get more pics of all the people who love you and just can't wait to meet you, but you'll get to see them soon enough. Well..not soon enough for me. I'm so impatient to KISS YOUR FACE!!!

Love you, Baby!

Our 1st Baby Shower

Oh, Baby, are you every spoiled!!

There sure are a lot of people who love you, and this weekend gave us just a TASTE of what that means! Your aunties and Nana Charlotte hosted a baby shower for us in Bakersfield, and it was SO sweet. They did an amazing job on the theme and on everything! Check out this cake:

How fun is that?! And here is the table...

Before the food and chocolate fountain were presented

Nana is going to send me photos that she took of the event, and also a copy of the invitation so that we'll have a more complete memory, but these are just a couple of the photos I snapped when I arrived. I'm upset, though, that we didn't get pics of me and your "aunties". You've got many of them, you know. These are girls that have been my best friends for a very long time, and they already love you just as much as our family does!

As for your biological aunties, I did manage to get in a photo with them. I LOVE them, and they love you already! I can't wait til they all get their hands on you!

Not sure why the photo kinda warped on the edges...

The blessings most definitely rained down that day!

Love you, Baby!

A-Movin and a-Shakin!

You sure don't like being still, do you, Little Man?

Lately you are sleeping about half the day, but your awake hours are very active! I just sit and watch my belly move and bump out in places. And Daddy will come up and feel you move, too. And I'm sorry if he wakes you up. He loves feeling you kick and punch just as much as I do! Big brother hasn't felt you yet, but I'm sure he will soon. Your Texas cousins will also get the chance to feel you this weekend! Lyla thinks it's fantastic that you kick me A LOT, so make sure you put on a good show for her! :^}

Baby, I'm in awe of you already, and in awe that God is using my body as a vessel for your development. I wish I could explain it to you...just how honored I feel to be carrying you. This is like nothing I've ever imagined and it's so special because this is will never happen again. This is unique to you and me, and I cherish every second of it (even the less glamorous parts).

LOVE you, Baby.

20 weeks!

7:55am
Okay, Baby, it's that time...today is the day the doctors will do an ultrasound and be able to tell us all about how you are developing, and they'll confirm that you're a boy! I'm so excited. Every chance I get to see you move and hear your heartbeat just elates me to no END! And I can't wait to learn more about you. I'll be back soon!

9:55am
You are so perfect!! The ultrasound tech couldn't tell us too much about your development, but she did mention that everything looks great. I was watching her face for any surprised or perplexed expressions, and I didn't see any! Plus, she was humming as she took all your measurements, so that has to be a good sign!

Now we wait for the doctor to look over everything and tell us what we need to know. Oh, Troy, I am so blessed by you! Now get here already!!!

LOVE YOU, BABY!

13.1 Has Nothin On Us

We did it!! Together, you and I completed the inaugural Nike Women's Half Marathon in Washington, DC! And we did much better than I thought. I did have to stop twice to use the potty--which I've never done before during a race--and I stopped for several photos. But my time was pretty standard for me (except for that one race when I was really thin and had a fabulous laser treatment on my knee the night before, but that is beside the point).

There was only one time during the second half of the race that I slowed WAY down, because I thought my heart was beating too fast and I got worried about you. And I apologized to you several times for all the jostling around you were getting. Hopefully, it didn't bother you too much. I was also wondering how you were feeling during the flight to DC. Because as we were landing, I was getting pretty queasy. So you'll have to tell me all about what it was like for you later.

It was definitely a wonderful, unique experience. I'm glad you were only 18 weeks along and not more, like a couple others that I saw on the course. Not sure how I would have done if you were any bigger! But, for now--and probably for a long time--I'm done running. It was fun while it lasted, but I need a break. Time to start gearing up for YOUR arrival! Woohoo!

Love you, Baby!

Terrible shot, but what can ya do??

HUGE Week for Us!

Oh, my sweet baby, do you have any idea how HAPPY you make me??

You probably don't get it yet, but every little thing you do makes me smile. For example, on Thursday morning, you kicked me or something, and I LOVED it! It was the first time I knew I felt you move! And I'm sorry that I put that heavy pillow on my tummy to purposefully make you uncomfortable. I was just really missing you, since I hadn't seen you in a long time, and wanted to feel you. So thank you for expressing your displeasure with my actions! (I won't do it again, I promise.)

Then, two days later, I got to see you again! But this time, you looked like YOU! And you were wiggly and squirmy and so precious. I just hope you're not too uncomfortable in here. Seeing you squiggle made me just wanna hold you close to me and make sure you were feeling okay.

Another great thing about that day was that Daddy and I brought your big brother with us to the appointment, so he finally got to see you, too! (He thought you looked pretty cool.) But the best thing about that day, second only to seeing your sweet face, was that we learned you are a BOY! We were so excited to finally know more about you. Now we get to use your name when we talk to and about you.

I can't wait to see you again on May 7th!

Love you, Baby Troy!

The World Into Which I Am Bringing You

Baby, there are some bad people in this world. Daddy and I will do our best to protect you from them, but we won't be able to protect you from all of them. That KILLS me. It's just that sometimes we can't even protect ourselves very well!

All I can tell you is that the God we serve has everything under control. Even when we get hurt or someone steals our stuff, God has promised that He's always with us. And everything that happens all fits into His plan. I know that sounds wrong, but lemme tell you: God never INTENDED for bad stuff to happen to us. But it does happen, because the first people God ever created decided to disobey Him, which turned the whole world evil. And after the bad stuff, He's there to help.

We all do things we aren't supposed to. I do. Daddy does. And you will. But another awesome thing about God is not only does He forgive us when we disobey, but He gives us the power to forgive the people that hurt us. It's usually pretty hard to do, but it really is the only way to live a joyful life. (Believe me, I know.)

I'm kinda rambling now. Bottom line: I'll do my best to protect you from harm.

Love you, Baby.

Who You Will Become

For the past several days, I've been thinking about who you are and who you will become. Will you be a musician and a performer? Will you hate to read and love to be outdoors? Will you be deaf or blind? Will you dance? Will you love Jesus?

It's strange to think that I can only encourage/influence certain aspects of this, but most of your future is in yours and God's hands. And I'm SO thankful to know that I can't and don't have to control every part of your life. Praise the Lord He is in control and will help me when I'm lost! Because, Baby, you can bet I'll have no clue what to do half the time. I just hope that my love covers every part of your life and that you never doubt it, no matter how mad or sad I might seem at times.

I am already proud of you.

Love you, Baby.

Love Your Heartbeat!

Today, I was feeling anxious about you. Initially, when I hadn't heard your heartbeat at our appointment on March 3rd, I wasn't worried, because I knew the device the midwife was using didn't work very well for women who are less than 12 weeks along. Well, this morning I woke up afraid for you. I started to think about all the women I'd read about who had lost their babies in utero but didn't know for weeks until their next ultrasound. Knowing that I still had 3 weeks to go before getting the chance to hear you again made me very upset.

I know that ALL women experience this same anxiousness, so I tried to calm myself down with that particular fact, but it wasn't working. I emailed Susan, one of our midwives, and asked her what I should do to ease my mind. This is what she said:

"Telling you all is well won't help you much. If you can make it in to Modesto this afternoon, I can see you today and listen for the heartbeat. Call, tell them you spoke to me and that I said I would be delighted to see you."

What a blessing! I raced my butt over to the hospital and in about 10 seconds she found your sweet beating heart with the Doppler! Oh, Baby, we are so lucky to have her. She goes to Big Valley and she told me the next time I am anxious or nervous to recognize that as the enemy trying to steal my joy and peace and say out loud, "Flee from me, Satan!" So, now that's what I'll do. I cannot let him take this joy from me!

Love you, Baby!

Centering Pregnancy

Oh, Baby, we have an exciting several months ahead of us!

Thanks to a new thing Kaiser is trying, you and I get to meet with other mommas-to-be for our prenatal care! The concept is called, Centering Pregnancy. We just had our first appointment on Saturday, and it was so nice. Six of us met with a team of midwives, with whom we'll all be meeting once a month over the next few months, and then twice a month towards the end of our pregnancies. We got to take our own blood pressure and weight, and then I got the chance to try and find your heartbeat with a handheld Doppler radar machine. I didn't get to hear you that day, but Jacqui, one of the midwives, told me not to worry. (In fact, she said, "If you're really skinny, sometimes we can hear the heartbeat with this machine before 12 weeks, but it's rare." Haha! Skinny I am not; therefore, worried I am not.)

Wanna know the best part? We have friends in the group! Katy, with whom I used to work at Big Valley (and her baby boy due in August), came walking up on Saturday and she was SO surprised to see me. She had no idea about you! I knew she was going to be there, though, because when I signed up for the group, I saw that her name was already on the list, so I decided I'd just surprise her. It was great!

I'm so glad to be sharing this experience with a friend; although, I know I'd enjoy it even if I hadn't known anyone going into it. The environment is so positive and encouraging, and it's much more nurturing than meeting for 15 minutes in the doctor's office. Don't get me wrong--I love our OB, Sheila, but I think this is a better choice for us. All we need to do is pray that nothing serious happens to either one of us so we can stay in the group!

Love you, Baby!

And the world will know!

We announced you to the world today, Baby! I posted the picture below on my Facebook page with this caption: "Here is our new family portrait. Bonus points if you can spot the hidden gem!"

Everyone is SO excited that you have come into our lives. I can't wait for everyone to meet you! Daddy finally got to see you up close and personal yesterday when he came with me to my appointment with Dr. Sheila. You were moving around a bit so your heart rate was strong at 167bpm! Sheila got a great shot of your little legs--look!

SO STRONG!

Love you, Baby!

Happy Valentine's Day, Baby!

Love you, Baby!

HEARTBEAT!!

My sweet lil blueberry, I saw your heart beating today!! I cannot even explain how AMAZING you are already! You have made me so happy, and I praise the Lord that you are safe and healthy and growing just as you should!

I was very scared before going in to see the doctor. I just had this feeling like I needed to be prepared to see your tiny little lifeless body just hangin out, but there you were, just as you should be, with a beating heart! And I got to hear it! HALLELUJAH! (And I took a video for Daddy so that he could hear you, too.)

Love you, Baby!

Alright, Sweet Lil Thing...

Will you please stop scaring Mommy?? I can't seem to get any answers as to whether or not you're going to be okay. I keep having some issues that don't seem right, but thank GOODNESS for community message boards because I know I'm not alone in what I'm experiencing. Many other moms have noted the same issues I'm having--even throughout their entire pregnancies--and their babies are happy and healthy now. But holy cow I wish things would just settle down so that I can rest easy!

I've stopped running for now--I've been training for a half marathon this whole time--just to keep you extra safe. The good news is I'm going to be able to start walking with Daddy, who is ALSO training for a half marathon. His will be in San Diego. You and I are going to Washington, DC! I'm so excited about that, because that's a first for me!

Anyway, because my doctor hasn't been able to tell much by what she's seen thus far, she's bringing me in for another ultrasound on Thursday afternoon. Hopefully, I'll finally get to see your sweet little heart beating away! I know that will put me at ease...but Thursday at 4pm seems so far away! It's a good thing I have a lot to keep me busy until then.

Love you, Baby.

My Lil Sweetpea

I got this in an email this morning and it completely delighted me:

"Baby's now the size of a sweet pea!
Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks, and chin. Those little hands and feet -- still webbed like paddles -- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate."

I am heading to the doctor in a little while so that she can check up on you. This momma is nervous because of some of the things that my body is doing don't seem "normal" to me. But, what would I know about "normal" during pregnancy? Anyway, I'm fairly confident she'll tell me not to worry. Hopefully, she'll decide to find your heartbeat to put me at ease. But whatever happens, I just wanted you to know that I'm giddy with excitement at how fast you're growing!

Love you, Baby.

Nervous about you, Baby.

So, some things have been happening lately that have me just a lil bit worried. I'm trying very hard to take good care of you--I'm staying active, drinking lots of water, and getting more sleep--but I have a fear that somehow I'll lose you. BUT! I know that God has you in His hands, and I know that if He wants you to be with me, you will be.

This post is kinda pointless, other than letting you know that I'm doing my best to take care of you.

Love you, Baby.

Love You, Baby!

Hi, Baby. 

It has been exactly 36 hours since I got confirmation of you. (I had a pretty good hunch before that, though.) I am incredibly excited and impatient to meet you! And this is a weird feeling for me because I never imagined in a million years that I would bring a child into this world. But God has been planning this since way before you or I were ever twinkles in anybody's eye.

Since I am still fairly overwhelmed, I'm kind of speechless. I just wanted to make sure you knew that when I got the positive pregnancy test result, I was overcome with joy, shaking and crying and yelping! And I want you to know that you are already so loved that I can hardly stand it.

Love you, Baby.