Who You Will Become

For the past several days, I've been thinking about who you are and who you will become. Will you be a musician and a performer? Will you hate to read and love to be outdoors? Will you be deaf or blind? Will you dance? Will you love Jesus?

It's strange to think that I can only encourage/influence certain aspects of this, but most of your future is in yours and God's hands. And I'm SO thankful to know that I can't and don't have to control every part of your life. Praise the Lord He is in control and will help me when I'm lost! Because, Baby, you can bet I'll have no clue what to do half the time. I just hope that my love covers every part of your life and that you never doubt it, no matter how mad or sad I might seem at times.

I am already proud of you.

Love you, Baby.

Love Your Heartbeat!

Today, I was feeling anxious about you. Initially, when I hadn't heard your heartbeat at our appointment on March 3rd, I wasn't worried, because I knew the device the midwife was using didn't work very well for women who are less than 12 weeks along. Well, this morning I woke up afraid for you. I started to think about all the women I'd read about who had lost their babies in utero but didn't know for weeks until their next ultrasound. Knowing that I still had 3 weeks to go before getting the chance to hear you again made me very upset.

I know that ALL women experience this same anxiousness, so I tried to calm myself down with that particular fact, but it wasn't working. I emailed Susan, one of our midwives, and asked her what I should do to ease my mind. This is what she said:

"Telling you all is well won't help you much. If you can make it in to Modesto this afternoon, I can see you today and listen for the heartbeat. Call, tell them you spoke to me and that I said I would be delighted to see you."

What a blessing! I raced my butt over to the hospital and in about 10 seconds she found your sweet beating heart with the Doppler! Oh, Baby, we are so lucky to have her. She goes to Big Valley and she told me the next time I am anxious or nervous to recognize that as the enemy trying to steal my joy and peace and say out loud, "Flee from me, Satan!" So, now that's what I'll do. I cannot let him take this joy from me!

Love you, Baby!

Centering Pregnancy

Oh, Baby, we have an exciting several months ahead of us!

Thanks to a new thing Kaiser is trying, you and I get to meet with other mommas-to-be for our prenatal care! The concept is called, Centering Pregnancy. We just had our first appointment on Saturday, and it was so nice. Six of us met with a team of midwives, with whom we'll all be meeting once a month over the next few months, and then twice a month towards the end of our pregnancies. We got to take our own blood pressure and weight, and then I got the chance to try and find your heartbeat with a handheld Doppler radar machine. I didn't get to hear you that day, but Jacqui, one of the midwives, told me not to worry. (In fact, she said, "If you're really skinny, sometimes we can hear the heartbeat with this machine before 12 weeks, but it's rare." Haha! Skinny I am not; therefore, worried I am not.)

Wanna know the best part? We have friends in the group! Katy, with whom I used to work at Big Valley (and her baby boy due in August), came walking up on Saturday and she was SO surprised to see me. She had no idea about you! I knew she was going to be there, though, because when I signed up for the group, I saw that her name was already on the list, so I decided I'd just surprise her. It was great!

I'm so glad to be sharing this experience with a friend; although, I know I'd enjoy it even if I hadn't known anyone going into it. The environment is so positive and encouraging, and it's much more nurturing than meeting for 15 minutes in the doctor's office. Don't get me wrong--I love our OB, Sheila, but I think this is a better choice for us. All we need to do is pray that nothing serious happens to either one of us so we can stay in the group!

Love you, Baby!